BELL LET’S TALK AND MY INNER DEMONS

 

So we just had the renown Bell let’s talk day.It is a program which helps raise awareness for individuals with mental health issues to seek help and others who are not sure why they have certain thoughts and feelings to get some answers and also educate the public on how to deal with loved ones if you feel they might be suffering.The program raises money by donating 0.05$ from every txt or share using their hashtag.I believe the program is fantastic since it’s start in 2010.Awareness is up,millions have been raised and the whole stigma is becoming less and less of a issue that individuals would normally hide from.So what does this mean to me?
So yesterday,it was my first official day working for a contractor cleaning snow off walkways.I hate snow removal with a passion but bills need to be paid,I need to eat and supplements aren’t cheap.On my way to my first location,it’s about a 45 minute drive from my place in the country,I was tuning in on the whole conversation regarding mental health and signs to look out for.I have to admit,I have felt these symptoms and for the most part,still do.Anti-social,anxiety,insomnia,lack of appetite,too much appetite,weak,overthinking,moody and so forth.Here I am thinking I was just an asshole but it seems I might have a prognosis for my behavior.Before I self diagnose myself as having mental health issues,I need to find the source of my problems.Why do I get these sensations that continuously torment my mind and cause me to lose sleep.Never really lost appetite which can be most likely due to the fact I’m a gym buff and just want to eat and lift all day.However,the rest of the symptoms were dead on.I use to be an outgoing person,life of the party.Nowadays,I overthink every situation that passes my way.In all honesty,I use up a lot of my energy combating the simple daily tasks from a positive and negative side of the situation.It’s tiresome.Now I am drained.It’s the middle of the day.Why am I tired.I have so much to do.Now comes the feeling of defeat.I have not been able to get my daily tasks,chores accomplished.I feel weak.Now when these feeling come into play,there are times it can cause problems in my training programs.Now I hit depression,feeling of mediocrity and loneliness.For I am already in a state of loneliness within myself,and the gym was my one place of mindfulness.Where I can go and not care what later on brings,or tomorrows tasks.Without the gym,I really am torn down.
You see,my mental health condition might not be yours,but the outcomes are the same.My demon is overthinking.This causes all out warfare in my head.Anxiety,anti-social behavior, anger,depression and feeling of defeat.It’s hard.But,I get up everyday.I fight everyday and train everyday.For even if my training is sub-par,I gave it all I had and I will do so again.One day I will probably see a specialist,until then I will utilize the gifts we have.My vision to see a better life,my sense of smell to await the scent of spring,my taste buds for it

ottawa cruise 077
Happier times,it comes and goes.

provides new found delights and my hearing for the kind words that are spoken.My touch will play the most important part as it will hopefully help someone in need.Until the next inner battle,stay strong and remember that the sun will shine again.Repeat.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: